Love, Lindsay

'Does Asking Friends For A Guy's Number I Barely Know Make Me Look Like A Crazy Person?'

All your relationship questions answered — right here, right now.

Lindsay here, A Plus's resident relationship guru/columnist. While I may not know everything, I do know a lil something about love and our seemingly endless pursuit of it. Having written dozens of A Plus articles about dating, relationships, and sex, I'm ready and willing to investigate all of your romantically-inclined questions (submit here!) — because I've asked them myself. What I hope to bring to A Plus's readers is a sex-positive, body-positive, and most importantly, you-positive perspective on modern love. Consider Love, Lindsay your digital Cupid. 

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Dear Lindsay, 

So the other day, I went to a party with my friends and ended up making out (hooking up? is that more scandalous?) with someone that they know, but who I'd never met. I had a great time hanging out with him and would love to see him again. We even casually talked about meeting up again later when we were saying goodnight, but we didn't exchange numbers. I know that I could get his number from our mutual friends, but does that make me look like too much of a crazy person? I know that he very well could also get my number from our friends if he wanted to, but I also am trying to put myself out there more and take more risks when it comes to dating.

Thanks, 

Jen

Dear Jen,

I understand the anxiety experienced the second you dare tiptoe outside your comfort zone. I think women, in particular, are told if they show the slightest extra amount of interest in a guy, they're going to be labeled a "crazy" person who's obsessed. In reality,  you just like him a little bit more than the average stranger. 

So first, let's make a commitment — everyone, but especially women — to take "crazy" out of our romantic vocabulary. We need to start there, because we only call guys the male equivalent "creepy" when they do something so far beyond asking a friend for someone's number. Let us not forget the multitude of romantic comedies in which we're supposed to praise the valiant persistence of men who go to outrageous lengths to wear a woman down until she agrees to go out with him. So comparatively, asking for his number is so sane, it's almost dull. 

Of course, actually asking for his number will still stir up some butterflies. We can't really control how we feel in the moment of uncertainty. Your biggest fear right now — and why you're worried about seeming "crazy" — is that he won't return your teeny tiny advance. 

I know, because I've been in your position. I had asked a mutual friend for a guy's number, and guess what? Yup, that's right, he didn't want to give it to me. My confidence was shaken, but within a few days, I had not only moved on from this minor disappointment and embarrassment, but pretty much forgot about it. It was far from the worst thing to happen in my dating life. 

If anything, it was one of the best things, because it forced me to take stock of, and reckon with, my perception of my self-worth. Because he barely knew me when he "rejected" me, I knew there wasn't anything wrong with me. He missed out. I only mention this anecdote to show you that hey, I survived, and no one thought I was "crazy." And this was the worst case scenario — the worst.

So if that's the worst, then think about what could be the best. Hope for that, and even if you don't get it, who cares? On that point, who cares what other people think? Because you've met once, who cares if he thinks you're "crazy" for trying to continue your connection? You're not, and if he jumps to that conclusion just because you made the first move, then he's probably not the kind of guy you want to date, anyway. 

The flip side is that if guys are taught they're supposed to take the lead romantically, why didn't he? Sure, he could just as easily get your number from friends, but maybe, just maybe, he's worried about the same thing as you? 

This is the classic middle school dance scenario where both the boys and girls are too afraid to ask each other to dance so everyone ends up standing against the gym walls. Walk away from the wall, Jen! That first step seems terrifying, I know, but it's just one. You said you're trying to put yourself out there, and here's your chance to do just that.

All it takes is just one step, and you could change your life. Not because this guy may turn out to be 'The One,' but because you're rising to your own challenge. You're working toward becoming the best version of yourself — and anyone would be lucky to date her. 

Love, Lindsay 

If you thought all that was TL (too long) and DR (didn't read), check out my quick tip video:

If you liked this article, you'll love submitting to and reading Love, Lindsay. And if you didn't, my name is Jenny, and I'll be your cruise director... 

Cover image via Shutterstock

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