Love, Lindsay

'I'm Consistently Hit On By Younger Guys ... How Do I Get Guys That Are My Age To Hit On Me Instead?'

All your relationship questions answered — right here, right now.

Lindsay here, A Plus's resident relationship guru/columnist. While I may not know everything, I do know a lil something about love and our seemingly endless pursuit of it. Having written dozens of A Plus articles about dating, relationships, and sex, I'm ready and willing to investigate all of your romantically-inclined questions — because I've asked them myself. What I hope to bring to A Plus's readers is a sex-positive, body-positive, and most importantly, you-positive perspective on modern love. Consider Love, Lindsay your digital Cupid. 

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Dear Lindsay,

I am turning 33 next month, and I'm consistently hit on by younger guys, like 10 years younger. I never know how to address the fact that um … hey — I could have changed your diaper. What do I say? Do I just come right out and say I'm too old for you? Or play along until it comes up? I really have no idea. So that's part one.

Part two: How do I get guys that ARE my age to hit on me instead?!

- Maria

Hi Maria, 

Who among us hasn't fallen into a trap laid by a young buck just tryna to get laid? If you're anything like me, you probably go into most social situations assuming everyone there is around the same age as you. You're probably also wrong a lot. 

And on top of that, when someone cute is in front of us, sometimes we make out first and ask questions later. And even after you do find out, the call of the cougar may be too strong to resist. 

But that's OK, because you are turning over a new leaf as you turn 33. You know what you want for your birthday now (an age-appropriate dude), and more importantly, what you don't. Congrats, you're starting the next year already on the right track. Now, it's just a matter of putting yourself in the right situations. 

First things first: What should you say to the wee babes hitting on you? Simple. "Thank you, but I'm not interested." You don't need to come up with an excuse, explain yourself, or say literally anything else. 

That single sentence should suffice, but, let's be real, sometimes it won't. No one likes getting rejected, and if a guy presses further, cite your age difference as a reason. "The best way to handle is to decline the date with grace and kindness," concurs April Beyer, CEO and Founder of LEVEL Connections™. "Your job is not to be the teacher but rather a sophisticated woman who gently lets men down. 'I'm a bit out of your age range and I don't date younger men, but thank you.' is all you need to do. It takes a lot of courage to approach you, so always be kind."

The sooner you nip these unwanted interactions in the bud, the more time you can put into ones you do want. So ask yourself, "What are the social situations in which I'm most often hit on by younger men?" Wherever that is (not going to guess, because no shade in your game), think about scaling back on those places and opt for new ones where you'll be more likely to find people your age — perhaps an upscale bar, a special event, etc. 

Beyer adds, "It's always lovely to have a youthful attitude and be young at heart, but if you want to draw in a mature guy who's ready for a relationship, then you have to have the appearance and feel of a woman who is classy, down to earth, intelligent and fun." But that goes far beyond the way you dress, she notes. It's more about how you handle and carry yourself as a woman in her thirties. When it comes down to it, Beyer explains, "Confidence is attractive to men of all ages."

All that said, while I love the love stories that begin "across a crowded room" or whatever — who doesn't? — I also think you should try online dating because you want something specific.  

Online dating is a powerful tool, especially in your situation, because it's the easiest fool-proof way to filter your dating prospects to your tastes. Is it a great story to tell the grandkids? Maybe not, but chances are they'll be too distracted by whatever holographic version of a smartphone exists by then to pay attention anyway. So take comfort in that. 

More importantly, take comfort in taking total control of your dating life. As far as I know, every dating app allows you to choose your ideal age range, ensuring the only guys who will hit on you know more about 1985 than the lyrics to the infamous "Bowling for Soup" song. 

While knowing what you want is wonderful, there's no one, specific way to go about getting it. There are, however, a few, and hey, why not try them all to see what works? Hopefully, one of them will. And when it does, I look forward to the wedding invite. 

Love, Lindsay  

If you thought all that was TL (too long) and DR (didn't read), check out my quick tip video:

Cover image via Unsplash

If you liked this article, you'll love Love, Lindsay. And if you didn't, my name is Jenny, and I'll be your cruise director... 

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