There's nothing like good old reality television to make us reconsider every single positive thing we ever thought about humanity. Ever since reality TV started in the early 90s with The Real World, producers have been at war with each other to see who can come up with the most outrageous, exploitative show plots. We know we shouldn't support it, but we do.
Reddit user Crackforchildren (we're getting strong great vibes from this one) asked users, "If ethics were not a problem, what reality show would you love to see?" To nobody's shock, people had some messed up stuff they seemed a bit too eager to contribute.
Here's what the depraved creatures of the internet had to say.
1. One Direction to madness.
"A group of die-hard One Direction fans living in a house with the band's music playing on loop and at full volume 24 hours a day.
Contestants can leave at any time but the last one standing gets to meet the band. Songs (rather than contestants) are eliminated until eventually it's the same song over and over again and the remaining contestants are driven to insanity."
2. Back to middle school it is.
"A game show where two contestants are given a million dollars to make each other's lives hell."
3. Top Criminal.
"An elimination reality competition where people compete to see who's the best at a particular job, like Top Chef or Project Runway, only instead of being chefs or designers, they're hardened criminals.
"'For today's starter challenge, you have to case and rob a convenience store. Whoever gets the most cash in the shortest time will get an advantage in the elimination round. Good luck, your 24 hours starts... now.'"
4. Police 'n parkour.
"A show where parkour professionals (?) try and evade police officers within the boundaries of a few city blocks or an elaborate obstacle course. Give the cops nonlethal weapons and the runner a check worth $1mil. If he evades arrest for a certain amount of time he keeps it, if not the police get to split it."
5. "The Colosseum: 2015"
"The Colosseum : 2015.
Only instead of using slaves and gladiators, we let people settle grudges in a ring with no rules whatsoever.
Imagine Judge Judy, only with weapons and no security detail. And no Judy."
6. "Survivor Himalayas."
"Fuck tropical camping Survivor, I want to see Survivor Himalayas with frostbite and cannibalism."
7. "Meet Me In The Middle."
"Take two people, one that's 100 pounds and one that's 200 pounds. They have 30 days to get to the same weight. If they can get within one pound of each other at the end of the month then they win.
It's called: 'Meet Me in the Middle'"
8. "Fast Animals, Slow Children."
"I am fond of Family Guy's idea: Fast Animals, Slow Children"
9. "Lord of the Flies: Toddler Edition."
"Lord of the Flies - toddler trouble edition
Get a bunch of toddlers together in a secluded place without any interference by adults whatsoever. (maybe some food/drinks dropped randomly if they can't find it at first) See what kind of society they form, what kind of language/communication they create. What kind of ethical system they create. Added bonus: finally settle the nature/nurture debate once and for all."
10. "Gorilla bodybuilding."
"Gorilla bodybuilding. Take 5 gorillas, teach them how to pump iron. Pump them full of steroids. Watch as they become the scariest creatures the world has ever seen."
Every week a group of orphans perform various, random tasks to impress a set of adoptive parents but only one kid gets chosen and the rest come back the following week to try with another set of parents."
12. "While You Were Burying Your Parents."
"In my college years, a friend of mine would always talk about this idea he had for a show: "While you were burying your parents".
The idea was a simple one, it's a home improvement show similar to those ambush shows where your loved ones send you away for a vacation while they remodel and decorate your house. Only in his version, your parents fake their deaths. While you are traveling to see to the details you have to (funeral, legal issues, etc), your parents are actuallyalive and re-decorating your house!!
But it went deeper than that. The show would arrange for you to miss your flight, your brothers and sisters would be in on it, they'd get drunk and fight, ending up in jail. Your trip would be the worst week of your life. Maybe you even get detained by TSA due to a suspicious item in your bags.
Finally, after a week of pure hell, having buried both your parents, you walk in the front door of your house, which is now totally unrecognizable and your parents jump out from behind a wall, yelling "surprise!!!" in glee at your shock (or heart-attack).
I am not ashamed to admit I would watch the shit out of that show."
13. "Kindergarten tool time!"
"Kindergarten tool time!
5 year olds get free reign over a workshop for an hour with a simple task in mind (for example, make a birdhouse). No adults, just cameras, tools, dangerous chemicals , wood, and an ambulance waiting outside."