Before you go get inked up, you should know a few things:
1) Tattoos pretty much last forever.
2) Getting a tattoo removed is a really long and horrible process.
3) Tattoos pretty much last forever.
In a recent Reddit post, users were asked, "Redditors who remove tattoos for living, what are some of the weirdest/funniest tattoos you had to remove?"
Some Redditors' answers included anecdotes about clients, friends and family, while others responded with crazy tattoos they still had but hadn't removed. Since we know there are a lot of ink fans out there, we've decided to give you a breakdown of some of our favorite posts that you can use as guidance going forward.
Warning: Some of the material below contains explicit and sexual content.
"My uncle had a naked lady tattooed on his calf. When he finally "settled down" and had a kid, his wife didn't like him going out in public with that naked lady showing.
So he would sharpie a bikini on her.
He finally got around to getting a bikini tattooed on, but jesus it was funny to be walking out the door to go somewhere and suddenly hear "wait wait wait! Shit" and have to stop while he sharpied his leg titties."
You never want an angry mom.
"The lady removing my tattoo (mundane bad, sorry), told me a story of somebody she treated, who was a 19 year old boy from a reform Jewish family, who was dragged in by the ear by his mother. When they got to the question 'on a scale of 1 to 10, how much does the tattoo bother you?,' his mother just shouted 'TEN!.'
When he rolled up his sleeve, there was a fresh tattoo, of gothic, gang-style lettering, spelling out the words 'no foreskin.'"
Definitely not cool.
"When I was a kid I figured how to do tattoos on myself. I broke my skin and put some ink right under it (I was pretty dumb) and actually made a huge swastika on my arm. My mom tried to clean it but of course it wouldn't come off. I had to go to the doctor who cut into my skin and scraped it off.
EDIT: People asking why I did it: My grandmother used to tell stories of the nazis and I thought that 'holy shit that time was so cool.' Then I became a swastika fan. By no means I support nazis now , or then however."
"I had my tattoo removed that was a squirrel on my upper thigh with its arms reaching out so it was holding my nuts."
"Star of David Tramp Stamp"
"Went to a party once. Lots of drunks, including an older Scotsman. For more than an hour, people were yelling at him, 'Show us your eyes! Show us your eyes!' My wife and I didn't understand until (five or six beers later) he dropped his pants to show off a pair of 4-inch wide eyes he had had tattooed onto his ass cheeks. One on each cheek.
While everyone laughed, a woman smacked his ass with the full force of her hand, leaving a red print. She drunkenly called out, 'Now they're bloodshot!'
Weirdest tattoo I've ever seen.
EDIT: Come to think of it, weirdest party I've ever been to, as well."
When drinking goes wrong.
"I found one of my friends in my hallway once. Apparently, he got lost when he was black-out-drunk but recognized our house, stumbled in, and passed out. Anyway, we made him breakfast because this isn't normal behavior for him and we love the guy, Through the whole meal he kept running his hands over his ribs and complaining that his side hurt. We finally told him to pull up his shirt and see if he was bruised -- maybe he fell last night? -- and there it was. One pi symbol, about eight inches in diameter across his rib-cage in bold, solid black.
He later got a giant e on the other side to even things out."
Some tattoo removal information:
"I used to perform laser tattoo removal. Most clients were tattoo lovers, who wanted to clear up some real estate on their body to get more tattoos.
Edit: Yes, it's painful. Tattoo removal had such a large number of no-show appointments, it was crazy. Tattoo removal hasn't changed much in the last 10 years (with one exception, noted below). The most common laser is still the q-switch Nd:YAG. As far as I know it's still the standard, though the Picosure came out a couple years ago and may be a significant step forward.
As far as treatment cost, you have to call your local place and find out. As far as making money on tattoo removal, I don't think it's very profitable. There was a chain called Blink that just did tattoo removal; they didn't survive. They were smart enough to charge for 10 sessions upfront (and even if you didn't show up, which tattoo-removal-clients often do, clients still had to pay), but the business still couldn't survive.
As far as ease-of-removal, the following qualities increase the difficulty of removing a tattoo: distance from center of body [ankles and wrists are tougher], amount of green in the tattoo [requires a Ruby laser to remove, which nobody uses anymore], new tattoo, deep tattoo, dark skin (tattoo lasers are racist, sorry). The following qualities make it easier to remove: amateurish (they usually don't go as deep), many years old, white ink, white skin."
And one guy who owns his weird tats:
"I'm pretty much the king of stupid tattoos, but to date, I haven't had any removed.
I've got a carebear with "hug life" tattooed on his belly, a ninja hiding in my armpit, a squished vw bug on the bottom of my foot, a koala drinking a cup of tea and giving a thumbs up with a banner that says 'koala tea guaranteed,' a cat dressed like tupac (tupaw shapur), another cat dressed like a devil playing with a ball of yarn (lucipur) and a bunch of other dumb ones."
Have any crazy tattoo stories? Share them with us in the comments!