'Married Kama Sutra' Is The Hilarious Introduction To Sex Life After The Wedding

The world's least erotic sex manual.

Every couple has its own way to spice things up in the bedroom. Romantic gestures, adventurous locations, toys, role-playing, new sex positions ... whatever works. 

However, married folks will agree that after spending some time in the holy matrimony, most of the  naughty tricks are replaced with more down-to-earth acts of pleasure. Like taking a bath all by yourself. Or loading the dishwasher together.

To poke fun at some of the changes marriage has on people's sexual lives, humorist Simon Rich teamed up with author and cartoonist Farley Katz and created a series of tongue-in-cheek illustrations titled "Married Kama Sutra." 

First published in the 2012 September issue of The New Yorker, Rich and Katz's cartoons depict positions that are "somewhat less erotic than those found in the original work." Less erotic, but not at all less fun. Check out eight of them below!

1. The Dishwasher Position — when the man is loading the dishwasher and the woman must come over because he is loading it wrong.

2. The Close Call — when the woman enters the room and the man quickly closes his laptop because he has been looking up ex-girlfriends on Facebook.

3. A Moment's Peace — when the man travels to a sporting event with other men and the woman, in his absence, takes a long, hot bath and drinks wine out of a box.

4. The Shifting of the Standards — when the man passes gas in front of the woman without so much as an apology.

Think these are harsh? Wait 'til you see No. 7.

5. The Prodding Position — when the woman cleans an area near the man's feet to imply that he should be cleaning.

6. The Stubborn Goat — when the woman demands that the man buys some new clothes and he physically resists as she pushes him into the Brooks Brothers.

7. The Interrupted Congress — when the man lightly kisses the woman's neck and the woman tenderly strokes the man's chest and the child runs into the room screaming.

8. The Perverse Lovebirds — when the man and the woman are at dinner with another married couple whose problems are even worse than their own and they squeeze each other's hands beneath the table.

Curious to see more?

Check out the full "Married Kama Sutra" book, which basically comes down to 64 divine pages of modern-day sex tips for couples whose sex lives spiral around dishwashers, dirty diapers and unlimited wine supplies.