1. The party poopers.
People who think every holiday (besides their birthday) is a waste of time designed to swindle people's money by offering cheap, "must-have" souvenirs.
They will never agree to dye their face green or get close to a pair of clover-shaped glasses. Most likely, they will show their protest by ignoring the entire holiday and will quietly judge everyone with a pint of Guinness in their hands.
2. The overachievers.
For one day, these people turn green. And it's not like they wear a modest "Happy St. Patty's" badge. No. These people go all in with emerald-colored wigs, beards, hats, silly pants and striped socks. Basically, anything they can find at the costume store.
These green monsters can be pretty obnoxious as well, with their "get into the spirit" attitude and drunk topless serenades in the middle of the pub.
3. The proud parents.
While these people usually dress in normal, everyday clothes, their kids (and sometimes even pets) are at the center of the parade sporting mini leprechaun outfits.
4. The partying cynics.
They judge the St. Patty's madness and are not afraid to express their opinion. But when it comes to hitting the pubs and stuffing your face with corn beef and shamrock pie, they still agree to come along.
Of course, every minute of the party is a torment for them, best expressed with a cynical grin and periodic eye rolls. But it's still better than sitting home alone and they know it.
5. The pinchers.
These people dress up (and by dressing up we mean putting on cheap plastic glasses or a pair of green undies) for one reason and one reason only: PINCHING.
And while it might be a fun way to mock the critics and cynics mentioned above, there's a fine line between a friendly pinch and sociopathic behavior.
6. The early birds.
These people have their clocks always set on booze o'clock. They start drinking at 9:00 a.m., manage to get wasted by noon and feel hungover by 4 p.m.. Inevitably, these early birds are signing off before the real hooley even begins.
7. The Pros.
Contrary to early birds, these people have enough tricks up their sleeves to keep them going all night long.
They fully embrace all the fun St. Patrick's Day has to offer and dive straight into the sea of green faces and shamrock hats. They always make new friends. They make the greatest toasts. They're the first ones to knock on the bar's door, yet they're the last ones to leave.
TL;DR: They're awesome and everyone wants to party with them.
8. The "fact sheets."
Oh yes, the walking wikipedias. Their every sentence starts with "actually" and ends with a meaningful "so..."
They know all about the Irish whiskey, Irish beer, "Lord of the Dance," the reason why everyone's wearing green and can tell more about St. Patrick than his true mom ever could.
9. Actual Irish people.
Only if you're lucky.
Also, be sure to kiss them.
Don't trust them.
(Cover image: iStock / stu99)
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