Breakups suck. The end of any relationship is trying, but when it ends badly — when it ends with one person showing no integrity or regard for the other person's feelings — it can be absolutely devastating. The amount of turmoil and disorientation that comes from a totally unexpected breakup can scar someone for life, leaving them afraid of commitment, phobic of trusting, and lacking the necessary confidence to embrace the future and lead a healthy social life.
Redditor Big_friendly41 posed the question, "What is the worst way you've been broken up with?" to the so-called front page of the Internet yesterday, and the answers were absolutely traumatizing to read.
Every one of us can relate to how these people must've felt. Even if we've been dumped under very different circumstances, the shock and disbelief followed by the numbing horror of heartbreak that echoes with every lonely step is something that is, unlike other kinds of pain, genuinely unforgettable.
We can only hope to learn and become stronger, better people from our heartbreaks and endeavor to treat others in our life with respect when and if it is time to end something that, for whatever reasons, is no longer working. We can only learn to live and act with more integrity than the stories below seem to indicate.
1. This is insult to injury.
"After three years, lots of plans and living together for two, my ex told me that he would like to begin transitioning into a woman.
The part that makes this the worst break up is not she is now living happily as a woman, it is that after telling me of her identity I said calmly and cooly, " I love you, I respect you and I wish you the best in becoming who you are. I cannot continue to be in a relationship with you as I am not attracted to women."
Long story short, she went ballistic. Apparently I should have known. She assumed that I was bisexual. She called me transphobic, threw things, called me every derogatory name she could think of before leaving.
She emailed me for years calling me out for being shitty for not wanting to continue a relationship with her.
She is completely unwiling to understand that just like her, my sexual identification and orientation is sort of set in stone. It is how I was born."
"Didn't even bother to tell me. She just grew increasingly distant and eventually just completely stopped talking to me."
3. This is just cruel.
"I got this one. In addition, after three months of no contact she texted me, out of the blue. She sent a pic of her making out with her new boyfriend."
4. No words describe this kind of pain.
"Just abandoned. Without any words. Without any explanation. No warning. No answers.
One day I'm excitedly planning a future with my husband. The next day he's just gone. Cut all contact.
In my opinion, it doesn't get much worse than that."
5. Not funny. At all.
"Email that said, 'Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'
Funny on the Simpsons, less funny in real life."
6. Why the hell would you do this?
"My girlfriend of a year broke up with me by sending a video of herself singing a break up SONG that she wrote. It included a background dancer of one of my good friends.
I was at a party at the time she sent it and I foolishly played it aloud so all my good pals could hear it, and hear my heart break.
Definitely the worst."
7. This is not a good use of technology.
"7 years. Text message. Brutal.
It was a little over 2 years ago so I don't remember word for word but essentially I need some time, my parents are coming to help me move out next weekend. No discussions about leaving or breaking up or close before that."
8. The definition of spineless.
"She had her step sister call my parents phone (didn't have a cell phone then) to break up with me. Except my dad answered so she told him it was over. He simply said 'I think you want to talk to my son.' Looking back I think it's hilarious."
9. This must have been devastating.
"For me it was a seemingly normal day, we were the annoyingly clingy couple that pretty much lived the stereotype by doing literally everything together, completely inseparable. One day I was getting ready for work, she packed me a lunch and kissed me on my way out... three hours later as I'm at work I receive a text saying she's leaving me with no explanation as to why.
By the time I get home she was already packed and gone, I was removed from her steam friends, her skype, blocked from other messaging services and she wouldn't pick up her phone. Even our mutual friends didn't understand what happened and say she dodges their questions about it.
It's been almost four years now and I still have no idea why she left, we never even had an argument in years. I now suffer from crippling depression and extreme trust issues, if she could toss me to the side without warning anyone could."
Regardless of whether you're the one breaking up or the one being broken up with, you'll survive.
It may be a good idea to quietly pack away anything that reminds you of them: letters, pictures, articles of clothing ... all those things can be put in a box and set aside. You need to make the break — which will feel messy and jagged — as clean as possible. Sometimes you'll want to be alone. Sometimes you'll want friends around. Sometimes you'll be horribly sad. Sometimes you'll be angry. All of the intensity, however, will eventually fade. It's what you do as it fades that matters.
You may feel like the person you love has been replaced by a stranger. That may actually be helpful. In order to get over this stranger who still seems so familiar, you're going to need to start focusing on you — make yourself your focus. Take a class. Make new friends. Do things just for you. Don't harbor resentment — it's toxic. Don't give into hating, it'll only weigh you down. If someone doesn't want to be with you, that's up to them. Only you have to live with yourself, so make choices and changes that you care about.
You'll be OK.