This weekend, Michael Jordan said he could beat Lebron James at a game of one-on-one, "no question." The 90s legend and the current star are constantly compared to each other, and a game between the two is probably what America needs now, and probably every day forever.
Seeing the biggest names in sports, music, and entertainment today take on the legends who paved the way for them is something people always love to imagine. We got to thinking about what would happen if some of our favorites went head-to-head, and cast our predictions of who would emerge victorious. Here are our dream battles.
1. Tupac and Biggie vs. Drake and Meek Mill.
It's beef against beef, and we're forcing enemies to join forces to indirectly their eras' entire rap landscape. Tupac and Biggie's East Coast-West Coast beef ended with both of them dead, while Drake and Meek Mill's has been executed over Twitter and through really quick diss tracks. Does today's rap beef stand up to that of the 90s?
Winner: Tupac and Biggie. Tupac's look of disappointment when he sees the meme war 2015 beefs ignite will just shame Drake and Meek Mill into walking away. It's a cute time to be at war in hip-hop.
2. Simba vs. Prince George.
Simba and Prince George were two of the most widely-anticipated births we've witnessed, and both make us go aww like we've never seen anything with giant eyes and chubby cheeks before. But there can only be one cuteness king. Who will grab the crown in his tiny little hand/paw?
Winner: Simba. We've been feeling sympathetic to lions lately (RIP Cecil, the West's posthumously favorite lion) so Simba had an inherent advantage here. Also, when you're surrounded by corgis like the royal family is, people start getting immune to your cuteness. We suggest you start keeping them at a distance to preserve your image, your highness.
3. Jaws vs. Sharknado.
Every generation has a reminder of why you shouldn't mess with sharks, but people seem to not get the message because beaches still have people on them. Both are some of the most important movies in film history, but what would happen if the shark from Jaws had to fight off a Sharknado? Could Mama Jaws fling the orca at a Sharknado?
Winner: Sharknado. Jaws just can't win against Sharknados and all the other vicious products of global warming. If anything, the Sharknado would scoop up medical waste from the Great Pacific garbage patch and just pollute us all, Jaws included, into oblivion.
Recycling's important for a reason, guys.
4. Prince vs. Miguel.
This would be some sort of surreal sensuality-off that we'd very eagerly watch through our fingers. If you're not familiar with their album cover art, just imagine Salvador Dali's work meets the thirst of a thousand first Tinder messages. Lots of skin, lots of purples and blues, lots of soul-gyrating stares.
Winner: Us. We are all the winners here.
5. Alfred Hitchcock vs. Michael Bay.
These are two of the biggest thriller directors of their time, and we'd love to see what they could throw together to freak us out and make us never trust birds again. They're certainly on opposite ends of the subtlety spectrum, but both are quite good at getting us pretty invested in characters, then just blowing everything them up--sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively.
Winner: Michael Bay. This one is tough since Hitchcock's work is so brilliant, but at the end of the day a dude with a weird relationship with his mom can't take on the literal end of the world. This ones goes to the dramatic movie trailer horns of today's over the top, blast-New-York-City-back-into-the-Stone-Age-just-because-we-can, thrillers.
6. Grumpy Cat vs. Grumpy Dog.
This is an important one. Grumpy Cat is one of the most famous cats on the internet thanks to his dourness and life and deep resentment for everything you love. The Grumpy Cat dynasty seemed incontestable until one tiny angry puggle harrumphed onto the scene and made us rethink everything we knew about animal judgement. His name is even Earl, which adds beautifully to the curmudgeon effect. But who's more disappointed in who we are as people?
Winner: Grumpy Cat. Talk to us when you've got your own Christmas special, Grumpy Dog.
7. Will Ninja vs. Donald Trump.
Willi Ninja was one of the most important people to pioneer the Bye Felicia dance form that is voguing. Donald Trump managed to maintain the stankiest stank face we've ever seen throughout the Republican debate.
Who's sassier? The godfather of voguing or the guy bold enough to call a good chunk of the country criminals and rapists, yet still remain in the running for president?
Winner: Willi Ninja. Duh.