Baseball, I love you.
Not only do you offer a game at a pace that allows my attention to peacefully drift until the next crack of the bat, you also offer some of the greatest ballparks in the world at seating prices well within the grasp of my paltry pauper's salary (especially the plaza level overlooking left outfield).
And within your stadiums? A smorgasbord of foods that might as well have spilled forth from an Olympian horn of plenty. Oceans of ale, lager, and questionably pale beer that foam over the rims of plastic chalices. Cheese-laden carbohydrates. Pizza creations better fit for the victor's appetite in the Roman coliseums that came before you.
Baseball! We who are about to eat salute you!
OK, enough grandstanding.
One of the most vital components of the experience of being at a baseball game isn't just sitting in the stands cheering on your team until the summer fades into early fall. That's a huge part of it, of course. The hope for a long season, a pennant, and the World Series is every fan's reason for being there. No matter how many seasons you get your heart broken, you keep coming back. You stay faithful, even on the nights where you sit there stunned at how the hotshot relief pitcher you just acquired gave up three runs and a chance at eternal greatness. But that's only part of it.
The real magic of baseball is just being there, soaking in the atmosphere, the excitement, the hum. It's making your way through the ballpark after a long winter for the real start of spring.
And the best part of that? The food that you'd probably never eat anywhere else, washed down with cold, cold beer.
Even better is that each stadium is different, luring fans to try new and exotic ballpark concoctions.
If you're a Mets fan you could eat s'mores covered bacon on a stick.
In Colorado, you can try Rocky Mountain Oysters, which is a nice way of saying fried bull testicles.
While in Texas, the Rangers would like you to try the two-foot-long Choomongous: a sandwich made of Korean beef and cole slaw.
But in Atlanta, things have gone to a whole new level.
The Atlanta Braves Reddit Twitter out some absolutely stunning photographs of their menu for the 2016 season.
This year's starting lineup includes ... The Burgerizza.
Anything this great comes at a price. $26.00? That's a pittance in baseball food money.
And besides ... look at it.
It's a bacon cheeseburger MADE OF PIZZA.
Then there's T.E.D.: The Everything Dog.
Too tame? Try "The Punisher," which features rib meat topped with bacon and onion rings, and bathed in Monster energy drink sauce
This one doesn't even need a name.
Check out the rest on The Atlanta Braves Reddit Twitter account.
Which one looks best to you? Better buy your season tickets now.