19 Times Amy Schumer Said What Every Other Woman Needs To Hear

#GirlCrush

Anyone who believes women aren't funny clearly has never seen Amy Schumer do stand-up, or an episode of her hit Comedy Central show "Inside Amy Schumer." Schumer recently made headlines when she gave an empowering and hilariously NSFW acceptance speech at Glamour's Women of the Year Awards. 

But that wasn't the first time Schumer gave women both a reason to laugh and insightful words to live by. The proud feminist serves up wise advice on and off stage, and is unapologetically herself. 

Here's a few Amy Schumer quotes we love: 

1. Embrace your flaws.

"I have these little rabbit teeth. And I love them, I think they're really cute. But everyone will put a picture of me next to a chipmunk and things like that. But, no, I don't want to look like everyone else. I want to be myself and embrace that."


2. Some pickup lines really work.

"I went home with this French guy because he said something adorable like, 'I have an apartment.'"

3. Talking about your struggles can help empower other women.

Matthew Peyton
Matthew Peyton

"I want to be honest and vulnerable to empower other women. I don't want them to feel alone in some of these ridiculous struggles most of us go through and don't talk about."

4. Some people don't understand what feminism is.

"I think people don't know what the word feminism means... [It's the] Social, political, economic equality of women. I think if you're against that, you're a crazy person. Or you don't know what it means. And that we don't actually have it is a bummer. It seems like we should be further along."

5. It's great to be hopeful, but also realistic.

"I love love, and I'm very hopeful and was raised on all the fairytales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone's mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."

6. Nothing good happens in a blackout.

"Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'"

7. Do what you want.

"Some guys, they wanna sleep with a girl that's like, a skeleton wrapped in plastic. That's fine if that's what you want. But I'm gonna keep eating and showering infrequently."

8. People can be both beautiful and horrible.

"I believe there are really horrible truths about all of us and there are also parts of us that are beautiful and giving. A lot of the time I'm playing the girl who's a victim and you feel bad for her, and then in the next scene I'm a complete nightmare. And I think that's what people are like, with only a couple of exceptions."


9. Live for yourself.

Inside Amy Schumer - Football Town Nights - Woo

"I stand here and I am amazing, for you. Not because of you. I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself."

10. Really listen before getting angry.

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"People have been upset that I have made rape jokes. And I'm like, 'Listen to what I'm saying, because I'm just trying to bring awareness to [the fact] that there are other things other than just the black-and-white rape that we've been taught.' But some people just — they're quick to want to get mad at you, even if you're on their team."

11. Empower yourself.

Matthew Peyton
Matthew Peyton

"Now I feel strong and beautiful. I walk proudly down the streets of Manhattan. The people I love, love me. I make the funniest people in the country laugh, and they are my friends. I am a great friend and an even better sister. I have fought my way through harsh criticism and death threats for speaking my mind. I am alive, like the strong women in this room before me."

12. Even in the worst of times, you have to find a way to laugh.

"The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh."

13. Love yourself.

"I'm not going to apologize for who I am. I'm going to actually love the skin that I'm in. I'm not going to be striving for some other version of myself." 

14. Being a woman is hard work.

Amy Schumer

"It's work having a vagina. Guys don't think that it's work, but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn't. Every night it's like getting it ready for its first Quinceañera, believe me." 


15. Facebook is a weird place.

"Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?"

16. Love and take care of your body.

"I get mad when they make jokes about me being overweight. I get mad, because I am not. I feel beautiful and strong and I don't want some young girl to see that and think she needs to be thinner than me. I want women to love themselves and be healthy. I take great care of my body and want everyone to do the same." 

17. Be your own fairy godmother.

"I was looking down at myself from the ceiling fan. What happened to this girl? How did she get here? I felt the fan on my skin and I went, 'Oh, wait! I am this girl! We got to get me out of here!' I became my own fairy godmother."

18. You can be attractive regardless of what size you are.

"I'm probably like 160 pounds right now and I can catch a d*ck whenever I want, like, that's the truth. It's not a problem!"

19. Determine your own story.

"I am a woman with thoughts and questions and sh*t to say. I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story — I will. I will speak and share and f*ck and love, and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who  resent that they never have it in them to do it."

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