The A-Z's of breakups
An alphabetical look at the aftermath of breakups.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME??
Just tears, everywhere, all the time.
Yea, it's listed here twice. I don't know about anyone else, but I cry A LOT. Into my pillows, into my ice cream, into the sleeve of a kind but bewildered stranger…
Crying is good. Crying will help you heal.
We didn't break up. We're just taking a break. We'll get back together.
You'll come up with a million and one reasons why the break-up happened, but you can't excuse the fact that it's done.
This is okay at first, but the sooner you accept what's happened, the sooner you'll be able to move on.
You'll feel up and then you'll feel down, and then you won't know how you're feeling because somehow you're laughing and crying at the same time.
Don't ignore it - just let it out.
Food is your friend.
Allow your kitchen to become stocked with all of your favorite junk foods (Doritos, cookie dough ice cream, chips and french onion dip). Don't ask questions, just eat - and thank your roommate, family, or your trance-like self for the opportunity to wallow in your own Wonka land.
14. Gilmore Girls
The women of Stars Hollow are wise.
Listen to them.
Indulge in their seven seasons on Netflix.
And eat lots of cake.
Immediately after the breakup, you'll probably just watch to curl up in your comforter and just listen to the broken throbbing of your heart. This is okay; in fact, it's more than okay because while your friends and family will have a lot of comforting things to say, it's imperative that you work through how you're feeling.
*Just remember that will have to get out of bed, out the door, and back into the world soon enough.
A few days into the gloom, I get into the bad habit of imagining what my S.O. and I would be doing at that very moment had we not broken up. For a brief, glittery second, it's lovely...but then I realize I am not, in fact, laughing at the llama at the country fair, but lying on the couch with Coldplay blaring in the background. It will feels like a punch to the gut. Or a llama kick to the face.
At present, reality sucks, but it will get better. Promise.
Suddenly everyone in the world is in love and they want you to know it - your grandmother, that annoying eight year-old neighbor, even the squirrel that can't remember where he buried his nuts.
Don't let it bring you down. Don't start dating someone just so you can say that you are. Jealousy is natural but not a necessity.
YOU ARE BIGGER THAN THESE GREEN MONSTER FEELINGS.
And yet, it is still so tempting to bring everyone else down to the depths of your despair. Your friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, mailman, dog, etc. will put up with it...for so long.
After a few rounds of "Grumble at anyone who looks happier than me," you'll have to buck up and be okay with the fact that there are other people who are blissfully in love. You'll be in that place again, soon enough.
So you're not a part of a couple any more, big deal, you still have you. Take that good looking person staring back you in the mirror out for lunch, a trip to the mall, or a day at the beach.
This is the time to focus on yourself and what makes you happy.
There's no telling when it will happen, but a few weeks or months later, you'll wake up and decide you're going to get things done. You're going to put away that mountain of laundry, finish that DIY and work for that promotion.
Ride on this energy; see what you can make after a few hours of stone cold concentration.
NO ONE IS MORE PRODUCTIVE THAN YOU.
Out with the old and in with the new!
Pack away your ex's sweatshirt or drop off their pile of stuff that's been burning a hole in your heart. You're ready to buy new things, meet new people, and make new memories.
And with every opportunity that comes your way, have an open mind.
Maybe you meet someone that's not your usual type - just go with it! What's the worst that could happen?
Liberate yourself. Allow yourself to experience, grow, change, and reflect on the way this break up has affected you positively.
Speaking of which...
It's easy to get stuck in a "glass half empty" mentality right after the breakup, but eventually, things start to brighten up - the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and from now on, so-and-so isn't the bane of your existence anymore.
Let the positivity warm you up and keep you going.
You're done with pity (Why is this happening to me? Why don't they love me anymore? Why don't I love them?) and are ready to focus on the real issue at hand:
What do I want?
This could be as simple as breakfast or as daunting as life goals. As the single focus in this relationship, you're making the decisions, dealing with the outcomes, and reaping the benefits.
REVEL IN THE POWER.
Try as you might, memories of your happier times together will surface. You'll hear a song, pass by a park, or eat at a restaurant the two of your once enjoyed. At first, it will sting - your stomach will lurch and a few tears might spring up - but know that soon you'll remember, but it won't hurt. Time heals.
Have I been clear about how important it is to love yourself before loving another person?
43. Taylor Swift
Sing it loud and proud:
WE-EEE ARE NEVER, EVER, EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER.
You realize and accept that breakups have to happen. They're not meant as inexplicable torture, but opportunities to learn what you look for in a partner.
It's scary getting back into the dating world (let alone society in general) after you've split. You can't imagine sharing parts of yourself with another person.
But you will.
Little by little, you will realize not everyone out there is ready to take a sledge hammer to your heart.
Due to the scariness, it will be tempting to text or call your ex.
Be proud of how far you've come so far without resorting to such shenanigans.
Scrabble players, help me out!
Clearly, this breakup is not the end.
You live, you love, you learn - you YAWP.
You are at peace with yourself, your ex, and what happened between the two of you.
If you seen him or her in public, you don't chase after them with a pitchfork.
You comfort yourself with the knowledge that you're both just trying to find your other halves, and even though it didn't work between the two of you, it will happen with someone else.