9 Dark Predictions About The Coming Chocolate Shortage That Will Scare You To Death

It's gonna get real ugly.

"We're running out of chocolate."

Those were the words that sent chills down the spines of millions of Daily Mail readers as the stark reality of a chocolate shortage began to set in.

The Mail reported that the Barry Callebaut Group - the Swiss chocolatier and largest chocolate manufacturer in the world - has indicated that "soaring demand have helped chocolate prices hit more than double what they were just eight years ago."

According to The Mail, Group's statement echoes similar warnings by Mars Inc, whom they write has "repeatedly claimed demand will outstrip supply by a million tonnes a year by 2020."

One issue affecting cocoa output has been the Ebola outbreak in West Africa. Another is simply increased demand. 

We're looking at a Chocolate Apocalypse. With a growing and unchecked appetite for chocolate, we can only assume the worst is yet to come. We have to anticipate that things are going to go from bad to Hell on Earth. Here's what could happen.

1. People will become desperate and panic.

It will be mass hysteria fueled by misinformation and a media frenzy...as usual.

2. People will horde supplies.

And who can blame them? 

3. Attempts to find a chocolate substitute will backfire.

People like hot dogs. Maybe hot dogs can be the new chocolate?


4. A ruling class gorged on chocolate will arise.

They will stuff their faces and laugh behind palace walls as millions of chocolate-starved citizens fight over the scraps thrown to them by their masters. 

5. Warring tribes with charismatic and mysterious leaders will emerge.

Choose your alliances wisely.

6. A brutal dictatorship will turn citizens against each other for sport.

With the winner taking home an extra ration of chocolate for their entire district.

7. Opportunists will exploit the oppressed and chocolate-deprived with false promises.

Just like they do now. 

8. Eventually things will calm down and life will return to normal.

9. And we'll find other ways to occupy ourselves.

"When a population becomes distracted by trivia, when cultural life is redefined as a perpetual round of entertainments, when serious public conversation becomes a form of baby-talk, when, in short, a people become an audience, and their public business a vaudeville act, then a nation finds itself at risk; culture-death is a clear possibility." 

--Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves To Death

So enjoy while you can!

Cover by A+ via images from Wikipedia.

Please share this with your chocolate-loving friends.