8 Fears And Insecurities That Everybody Has
Find your fear and finish it.
1. "I'm not good enough."
Sometimes, there's this feeling that sneaks up on us that tells us that we're not "enough." It might even feel like it's there all the time.
We may compare ourselves to others.
We may compare ourselves to an ideal that we've created of what we'd look like, sound like, and act like if we were perfect.
We may compare ourselves to standards that we feel like other have set up for us: that we're not meeting the expectations our friends, family, or significant others have for us.
Sometimes we wake up and we feel like we have somehow failed automatically, simply by virtue of being who and what we are.
It can be debilitating and horrible to live with.
Sometimes it's depression, but other times, it's just a nagging feeling that exists in the back of our heads.
You're not alone.
What you need to cling to is this thought: whatever you are is enough. Anything you are is enough. You are full of possibilities and it's just that simple.
Find a way to prove it to yourself every single day. Little goals add up. Little dreams lead to bigger ones. Find your strengths and make them stronger.
You just need to be you. The "becoming" part... That'll happen as you go on. It's part of being human. Self-doubt exists in even the most confident-looking people: Let it be something to slowly overcome.
You're more than enough.
2. "I don't fit in."
This can be really tough, especially in high school and college when it sometimes feels like you fit in absolutely nowhere; like you have to fake it to make it.
It's made worse when you see people who kind of effortlessly fit in, the people who seem to be popular everywhere they go. It just increases the feeling of awkwardness.
It can be hard to find your place. You might feel like you have to change in order to fit in.
And you could. Sure. Anyone can find ways to camouflage themselves to fit into this clique or that group. It would mean, however, repressing the parts of yourself that make you, you. That can be pretty hard to live with.
Here's something you might not realize:
The very best people make the good things about us even better.
The best people make us more of what we already are. They make us more us.
You may never have a huge group of friends, but with friendships, quality is always more important than quantity.
So. How do you find your people?
That's the hard part. They'll either find you or you're gonna have to step out of your comfort zone – not easy for a lot of us who often prefer the company of our thoughts to the company of others – and seek them out.
One of the most basic things about people is that they're interested in people who are interested in them. Ask about their lives. Ask for advice. Ask for their opinions. And listen to them.
Everyone is looking for a place they fit in, for others who will see them, for friends they can trust. Be that for others and others will be that for you.
3. "I always attract the wrong people."
Maybe you do. It could be that nature has endowed you with a mysterious gift that magically attracts negative people to drain your time and energy, only to leave you disappointed and broken, sure.
Or maybe you just allow toxic people into your life because somehow you've become used to be treated that way.
Maybe you need to make better choices.
Maybe you need to take a hard look at the relationship you have with yourself.
What is it you want from a relationship?
Don't ask yourself you're willing to tolerate. Ask yourself what you want – what you really want – and why you're not getting it.
Chances are you're not getting it because you're not insisting on it by making choices that negate it.
Saying you want a guy who treats you well, then dating a guy who has no regard for you is a choice, not a stroke of bad luck.
Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel bad about yourself or who drain your energy is a choice, not a trick of fate.
Make better choices.
4. "My work isn’t good enough."
Do you ever feel like you're an imposter at the things you do and that eventually everyone will find out that you're a massive, talentless fraud who has no business whatsoever doing whatever it is you're doing?
Awful, isn't it?
That's part of the process of mastering any craft, any trade, any skill set. It happens to academics. It happens to actors. It happens to writers. It happens to everyone. At some point, anyyone who has ever done anything – who has ever stuck it out long enough to make a job into a profession – has thought to themselves one or both of these things after a disappointment:
1) "I'm just not cut out to be a...."
2) "I'll never be as good as...."
It's just part of the thing. You feel stuck. You feel like you're not getting any better. You feel like you're wasting everybody's time. You feel like people are just being nice when they compliment what you do.
Do what you do. Push on.
5. "I'm afraid of losing the ones I care about."
No one has ever lived a day longer because they worried. No one has ever kept someone a second more than time allows because they worried.
You cannot control the universe and you cannot flatter fate: Leave those things alone.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot keep someone in your life by clinging to them.
There is a fantastic passage in Elizabeth Gilbert's book, "Eat, Pray, Love" that beautifully and gently describes this fact of life:
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. "
Love them here. Love them now. Fight and make up and search for joy now.
That is all you have.
6. "I'm afraid of failing/disappointment..."
You have to fail. You have to be disappointed.
Failure isn't a bad thing: it's a teacher, as is disappointment.
Both eventually lead to success.
Don't allow a fear of failure and disappointment to prevent you from doing something.
Look at anyone who has ever become an expert at something. Every single one of them has, at some point, failed. Every. Single. One. What made them experts, however, was that they treated those failures like learning opportunities.
Failure shows you what you need to do to succeed.
You will fail. You will be disappointed.
Embrace it, learn from it, move past it. Be bigger than your failures.
7. "If people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me."
We want to be known – really known – and understood by the people we love and are loved by. Sometimes, though, we're afraid to let other people know us, let people get close enough to see the person we want them to see.
The reason, of course, is fear. It generally comes at the beginning of relationships, but sometimes this fear takes up residence in our hearts and builds what amounts to a fence around it: People can see in, but they can't get close enough to touch it. It's a fear of vulnerability: the fear that...
If they knew about your past...
If they knew about your fears...
If they knew about your shame...
They wouldn't love you anymore.
You're afraid they'll stop loving you if they knew "the real you."
And at the same time, you desperately want them to see the real you.
If you feel any sense of relief as you read this, it's because you know you're not alone.
And that's the key here: you're not the first person who ever thought that they'd be unloveable if they ever allowed someone to see them in their entirety. You share that with the entire human family.
Be courageous enough to let people love you for who you are.
8. "I'm afraid of saying how I feel."
Because you're afraid that you'll be ridiculed.
Because you're afraid that you'll be rejected.
Because you're afraid that your longing for mutuality and reciprocation will be met with awkward silence and that the relationship have will be killed by giving a voice to the relationship you hope for.
So you mute your love – or your desire, or your anger, or your unhappiness, or your longing – and lock it down tight. The declaration sits at the edge of your lips, at the tip of a pen, at the borders of the enter key. Its urgency makes you feel like your heart could burst.
Because you're afraid.
Stop being afraid.
Say what you need to say.
Don't live with love that you haven't expressed because there will come a day when you cannot say it.
And then you'll have to live with something much worse than silence: Regret.
Live with courage.