1. We have no idea what you want.
We're not sure if we should be more sensitive or less sensitive. We're not sure if you secretly hate our obsession with facial hair. We don't know what your taste in jewelry is. We have no idea if your flirting with your "best guy friend" is harmless or if there's some kind of simmering lust there that we need to be wary of.
We have no idea what you want.
So please tell us.
2. We don't know why we're apologizing, but mostly we're just trying to de-escalate things.
No, we probably have no idea why we're sorry, but because we were taught at an early age that men should say sorry when they're in the wrong, we're apologizing. Profusely.
The fact that you're angry lets us know that we've done something wrong.
The intentions with "sorry" are good because we have no idea where we f**ked up. If we try to discern the source of your anger, it could lead to a foolish attempt to say that the very thing that offended you wasn't meant to – which might lead to us being seen as even more inconsiderate and emotionally shallow than we were — we're opting for sorry.
And we really are sorry. We may not know why, but we are. A hint might help us to be able to apologize by never repeating the behavior again.
3. OK, we think your hot, flirtatious friend is hot, but seriously, we're not interested in her.
Look. You know she's attractive. We know she's attractive. She definitely knows she's attractive. Any mild acknowledgement of her attractiveness or flirtation on our part is our attempting to walk that razor's edge of being friendly without enraging you.
Also, come on: You flirt too.
Besides that, let's face it, she wouldn't be interested in us were it not for the fact that we're dating you. And besides, we're not interested. If we were, we wouldn't be with you.
4. There are reasons we're not saying anything.
1. Maybe we're unhappy. Yeah, okay, great, you think the bartender or tennis coach is gorgeous... What the hell are we supposed to do with that information? We have nothing nice to say, so we're just going to pout until you coax us out of our shell. Yes, it's childish. We know.
2. Maybe we're thinking. Like deep thoughts. About stuff and things. Perhaps we're trying to figure out what your question really is or what we're actually feeling. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what we want to say or for us to figure out what your possible reactions will be, so we have to think about it.
3. Maybe we don't have anything to say. There are plenty of things on which we have no opinion worth expressing.
5. We don't necessarily have a "type."
The things that make someone attractive to us can't always be boiled down into a "type."
You're our "type." Leave it at that.
6. Most things we do, from the job we choose to the hobbies we have, is built around a singular goal: making us more attractive to you.
No man becomes an actor, pilot, race car driver, or anything else in the world simply because it's his passion.
It's a nice idea, but that's not how biology works. Competition in business, sports, dating or anything else... Is us competing for attention and affection.
We want to impress you. We want you to be happy with us. We want your approval and your validation. It's human nature.
We want what we do to be something you're proud to talk about.
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