5 Things No One Tells You In Your 20s
Advice from the old dude at the bar.
1. New relationships often mean losing old friends.
Researchers at Oxford discovered that on average, people lose two close friends every time they enter into a new relationship.
"If you go into a romantic relationship, it costs you two friends. Those who have romantic relationships, instead of having the typical five 'core set' of relationships only have four," said Robin Dunbar, who headed the study. "And of those, one is the new person who's come into their life,"
People come and go. This can be difficult to accept, but you must accept it.
2. Your friendly co-workers and supervisors aren't necessarily your friends.
Nothing will prove this faster to you than getting laid off. You may well garner sympathy and drinks from the survivors of a lay off, but there's one thing that everyone you thought of as a friend is thinking: glad it's not me.
It's great to work in an environment where you like your co-workers and bosses, but never forget that when it comes to business, no one's head is immune from the chopping block. Don't think that it won't be a friendly finger on the trigger, because it very well may be.
3. It's okay to not know what you want to do with your life.
People – parents, friends, significant others – are all going to ask what you want to do with your life after college and you may very well find yourself giving a canned answer while thinking quietly that you have no f**king idea whatsoever.
And that's OK. Sometimes something unexpected comes along and shows you a path that you didn't see before. Sometimes you find something that speaks to you on a level you didn't think possible. Sometimes you stumble along feeling like you're not going anywhere. Keep stumbling. Stumbling is moving. Stumbling is going forward. Stumbling is living.
If nothing else, you'll find out what you don't want to do. That's a start.
4. Breakups will always suck, but each one comes with gained perspective.
No breakup is entirely one-dimensional. No break-up comes without signs of strain and pressure: the faultlines inherent in love that, if left ignored, eventually develop into chasms.
Eventually you give up trying to assign blame after every breakup and cling to things that no longer fit your life.
But they will still suck. You will still look at your phone and want to call or text them. If you've been hurt, the confusion caused by not being able to talk to the one person who might assuage some of the agony because they are the same person who caused it will never not be shocking and painful.
What you'll eventually be able to see, however, is that no matter how bad it is, it's a process that must be endured with as much grace, dignity, and patience as possible.
In other words, don't drunk-text them.
5. You're stronger than you think.
You'll be tested in new ways every single day. Eventually, you'll come to major life transitions that will challenge the very foundations of your beliefs and sense of self. If you figure out how to be flexible – when to bend and when to hold fast – you'll come out on the other side both wiser and stronger.
But you won't know that when you're going through that. It won't feel that way. It'll feel like you're losing; like the universe has a personal vendetta against you.
You're stronger than you think.
You'll be okay.
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